Daddy

I really don't know where to even begin on this.  We have had such an outpour of prayers and help through all this, I know that trying to name names would only mean that I'd leave someone out.  Friends and family have truly stepped up to the plate and gone above and beyond; and for that, there can never be enough thank yous' said.  He is currently doing pretty well, and it looks like he may be able to come home in a few days, with the assistance of home health care.  He's never lost sight of reality, but has also never been pessismistic.  He's told us through every day of these last 4 weeks that he's ok, he WILL come home, and he WILL get through this.  At times, the dr's did not agree.  It's been the most emotional rollercoaster I think I have ever been on, even surpassing the events from my own children in the nicu.  This has been an hour to hour, day to day waiting game, for weeks.  He underwent major surgery that has in fact corrected some of the issues.  He does still have cancer; the surgery did not effect that, as the tumor itself remains inoperable.

There are times that my faith has waivered.  I can admit that fault openly.  I spent HOURS begging God to please please DO SOMETHING.  Make this better, Please just make it better.  I spoke to very few people throughout this ordeal. My own best friend pointed out that she'd never seen or heard me cry prior to this.  I don't really know why I am that way.. but I am.  Until this.  This is my weakness.  You take away my daddy, my strength, and I crumble like any other mortal. But due to my kids being so harshly effected by this stuff, I had to keep up a solid front, and I also had to be able to drive 200 miles a day without falling apart.  That is quite a challenge.. I've been mad as hell at times.  Ready to absolutely explode.  And somehow God throws someone on my path that diffuses the bomb.. I've had a hard time listening to anyone say they know how I feel. There are few people in my circle of friends that can say that.  But; the ones that can truly say that, have helped me immensely, and I hope I have sufficiently thanked those friends.

My dad is number 11 of 12 siblings. (all 'real' siblings, no step, no half) and cancer has affected the majority of them.  Cancer is just a terrible, harsh reality for us, and we have to keep hammering on, and doing what we can to support him.  It took praying for God's will to be done, and actually MEANING it, in order to see him improve.  It took me quite some time to honestly be able to pray that prayer. My dad told my brother that sometimes life is good, and sometimes it's bad, and he basically let us know he was comfortable with whatever happened so to 'keep it light' around him.  This mean no bawling and being sad. This was HARD.  But we have done it, 98% of the time.  His faith has kept him strong; therefore it kept us stronger too.

As you can see, my dad has always given credit where it's due, and I couldn't have asked for a better man to raise me and to be there for me.