Monday, January 26, 2009

parenting. it's different.

Let's face it.... If you have driven by MIS any time in the last year, you should have noticed that the tweens of today certainly look more grown up than they did when I was that age. So, physically, it is very very obvious to see the changes. But what about the emotional changes? That's just as scary as anything else, isn't it?

Kids look and dress older. Sometimes, WAY older. They struggle to process the images of sex, violence and adult type humor, even when their parents try very hard to shield them. And sometimes, it seems that parents end up encouraging the behavior by failing to set limits and in a sense, handing over the power to their kids. Now, I cannot say I totally blame parents for the kids today acting more grown up than they actually are, but I do think that there are issues we are faced with as parents that our parents were not faced with. Just as our "tweens" are facing issues we never had to. There has to be a shift in parenting that is new way of doing things. The issues are coming at us while our children are younger. Parents need to adjust to this change.... as hard as it seems. I hate it.

Is this a fact of life or can we slow down the pace in which our kids are growing up? If our tweens are the new teens, when do they have time to just be kids? I don't have the answers, but I would love to hear from you..... post away. I want to keep my girls focused on church activities, softball, bike riding, and KID stuff as long as possible!


Tracie Jones January 26, 2009 at 2:02:00 PM CST  

I am diffently feeling your pain. I have found I am the mean mom. I have not given into a cell phone or some other items. However, I am sticking by my guns and not giving in on some issues. However at the same time I have to consider her feelings and pressure as well. It is a very fine line but staying involved and talking to them is the most important things. January 26, 2009 at 2:23:00 PM CST  

This is slapping me head on right now-I am not sure there is a way to keep your children innocent beyond a certain point anymore,that takes complete and utter trust in other parents and what they teach their own children.Since we dont all agree,I think it makes it very difficult,if not impossible.

I knew there would come a point in time that I would probably have to pull Lovely K out of school because her innocence is not equal to that of her peers and that time is just about here.I HATE IT.I want her to be able to graduate with her class and have as normal as a life as possible but there are issues that you mentioned that the kids are dealing with or will deal with soon, that she is not quite equipped to handle as equally as the other kids.I'll email you more...

Maury January 26, 2009 at 4:39:00 PM CST  

This is only one of the reasons I like homeschooling my kids, and I am sure some people would argue that it isn't good to shelter my kids in this way, but I do feel like my kids are not as "up with the world" as they would be if they were in public school. I can tell a big difference, for example, between Noah and our neighbor, that is the same age as him. I don't know what is right or wrong, nor do I judge others on this issue, but, I am very happy with the development my kids are at for their age right now. We don't feel any of those pressures, and that is just fine with me.

Mandy January 26, 2009 at 8:34:00 PM CST  

I think it's wise to very closely monitor who you encourage your children to spend free time with (outside of school), keep them in wholesome activities (as you already are), and lead by example.

I totally am starting to worry about this issue... Madison asked if she could have a cell phone the other day and I literally laughed at her. I told her that she MIGHT get one when she's 16, IF she has her own car by then. lol Who's she kidding? I didn't have a cell phone until I was like 4 years into marriage!

I do think there's a fine line between being overprotective and not protective enough. Where that line is.. gosh I wish I knew.

ash January 26, 2009 at 11:53:00 PM CST  

ok i am not a mom so im not sure i have the right to comment....but i will and if you want to delete it go ahead shelley.....

I think kids raised in a christian home that experiance the WORLD but no what is right from wrong will make good choices in parents were a lot more strict then most of my friends parents, i had a lot of what i thought were "stupid" rules, but as i look back on them im so thankful for them! I do not think i would be where im at with out all they taught me!

I got a cell phone when i started driving and could only use it to call when i got there and call when i was leaving. I had the earliest curfew of all my friends! My parents said there was nothing to do after 10 pm up town. I could just go uptown either. I had to have a destination!

Younger days before driving, dating, boys, and "the world"

my parents were very active hands on parents, they taught me right from wrong with out judgement of other kids and the way they were being raised. I remember when the girls started wearing short shorts to baseball games when we were 11 and parents said no and i didnt get dropped off to hang out my parents stayed.

I think parents who make a strong influence on their kids are the ones who set rules, are active in their lifes, and the ones who not only say the love you but show u even if that means some form of punishment when you mess up!

I made my wrong choices in life and my parents corrected them and im thankful for the values and lessons they taught me and i hope to be able to do this one day too

dean January 27, 2009 at 1:28:00 AM CST  

ashlee, i'm not a mom either... no, really! but here's my 2 cents worth anyway...

i had no intentions of watching this piece of garbage, especially since TLC kept advertising that it wouldn't debut until the following week, but "Toddlers and Tiaras" came on and it was like a car wreck... you don't want to look but you can't help it. the pic on the show's home page will tell you all you need to know about why this comment applies to this post, but if you can stomach sitting through one episode, you'll see why some parents are the CAUSE of this whole sickening mess with young children.

back when i first started in youth ministry, doug fields (now youth minister at saddleback church) wrote a book entitled "Too Old Too Soon: Protecting Your Child From Instant Adulthood" it's out of print actually (i just searched) but you can find it used in a lot of places online. it was written in 1991, so this isn't really a new problem at all.

Mandy January 28, 2009 at 1:18:00 PM CST  

Dean, that show is crazy. It's amazing what a hot topic issue that is, too.. it was one of my "debates" on my blog a while back. I see people from all over THE WORLD still clicking on the link to it EVERY SINGLE DAY.

It's crazy to me how people can dress their babies like hoochy mammas (for lack of a better term lol) and then say it's just for fun and there's no harm in it. Ummm Hmm.. right..

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