Thursday, October 16, 2008

questions and answers. the cold hard truth.

I have seen before where bloggers do their own Q & A's to address some of the many questions that get asked repeatedly. Since I have gotten up to the point that I get over 500 unique hits per day, I get questions too. (Lord only knows who you people are, cause I sure don't get 500 comments, lol!)

So here are my most common questions, answered:

Question: Why were your kids premature?

Answer: No one knows. I was put through a battery of tests with both children, and none of the high risk neonatologists could ever make a diagnosis. I had somewhat of an incompetent cervix, but that was not the only issue. I did not have a cerclage, and I did not in any way respond to mag. It helped zilch.

Question: How early were they?

Answer: Jordan was born at 29 weeks and 3 days, Karsyn was actually an induction due to distress at 31 weeks on the nose. I had been having contractions (and was in the hospital) for several weeks and her body could not take it any more.

Question: Do they have long term disabilities?

Answer: No. Jordan had a grade III IVH (intra ventricular hemmorhage) and was supposed to have CP, but God had other plans and resolved all the blood in her head in less than 2 days. If you doubt that, you are just wrong :) They both had typical preemie issues, like severe reflux, apnea of prematurity, digestive issues, and stuff like that. Neither have hearing problems, or vision issues. Karsyn had/has BPD, but it is something she will outgrow. She has not had an asthma attack in over a year or more.

Question: Did they require life support?

Answer: Jordan never required it, Karsyn was on a ventilator for several weeks.

Question: You have a lot of friends that homeschool, why don't you?

Answer: I honestly do not think I would do an adequate job, and don't think that the public school system here is lacking in it's curriculum. If I did, I would do something else. I am not anti home school in the least though.

Question: Will you ever foster parent?

Answer: I believe that my place in working with kids will not ever lie with truly being a foster parent, but that I can make a difference in other ways, whether it be by babysitting for my friend that does foster, monetarily, or in other ways.

Question: What denomination are you? What is denomination is Journey?

Answer: I was baptized into a baptist church at age 9. I do not feel a denomination defines a believer. Journey is non denom, but is extremely close to what I have been raised in at a baptist church. Journey is elder/pastor led, though. No business meetings. (Not a cult either!!)

Question: How do you know all those people at the Village in Star City?

Answer: I honestly get asked this more than anything else! Michael and I are very family oriented people, as are the people that work in the various shops/restaurants in the Country Village. Because we have been going there to do business, and to eat, for ten years, we do know most everyone there on a first name basis. We know people in all the stores, but Michael and I have our "favorites" here and there :) Michael loves the clock shop people, and Jody at the lawn mower store that also works at Laynes, and I think everyone already knows I am closest to Jeremy, that works at Laynes and the jewelry store. We both love his dad, Steve, too. (Jeremy is a photographer, and his dad makes custom picture frames, if you are wondering what the connection is.) Bottom line is, it's a good place to take your kids on the weekend, and we do it, a LOT. Doing that has led us to knowing some really good people.

Question: Is that town you are from really that small?

Answer: Yep. Wilmar was population 747 when I was a kid. I don't know what it is now.

Question: If you dad is one of a dozen kids, where do they all live? Is your family close?

Answer: Hmm, this one is hard. My dad is #11 of 12, so many have passed away. There was Ralph, Tommy, James, Robert, Jeanette, Mary Ann, Shirl, Kenny, Dorothy, Janice, Betty, & Martha. Four passed away last year... Now there are: James; who lives in Wilmar, Kenny; who lives in Warren, Robert, my dad, that lives in Wilmar; Shirl, who lives in Benton, and Mary Ann, who lives in Michigan until the weather is nasty and then she goes to her house in Florida. I don't know that I would define them as "close" but I will say that they can depend on one another whole heartedly. I think there are somewhat large gaps in between when some of them speak to one another, but there's no doubt about their love. I have always been closest to my uncle James. Michael loved my aunt Janice the most. With families so large, you accidentally pick favorites, but there is no one that doesn't get along with the rest, and there never has been.

Question: You talk about husbands being the head of the household, and it makes you sound subserviant. Don't you know it's not 1920? (and I also get stuff like this) Why are you against divorce?

Answer: I didn't make the rule about husbands being the head of the household. If you don't submit to that, you can take it up with God, not me. My husband and I are a good team, and are 98% of the time on the same page. In the 2% that we aren't I do go along with his wishes because I know I am supposed to. Because he is a strong Christian, God fearing man, I know he won't lead me wrong. Of course he can make mistakes and bad choices, but we will work through that as it comes. He takes it VERY literally that he will be accountable for me and my children one day. As for the divorce thing..... I am not 100% against it, but I do think it happens way too much. I don't think you should bail out over little stuff the way people do, but I know there are times that divorce is necessary, like physical abuse. Children's lives are too often put last on the priority list, in my opinion, and they are the ones with the deep rooted scars divorce can cause. I didn't enter into my marriage with an "if it doesn't work out I will get a divorce" type attitude. I think one of the main reasons why, is because I was raised by people that have been married 40 years. I am big believer in "what you grow up with is what you think is normal" so to me, it's just not normal to quit when things aren't going great.

Question: How much older than you is your husband?

Answer: a little over 8 years. I was born in 78, he was born in 70. It isn't an issue for us.

Question: What? Jennifer Smith - Stewart is your neice?

Answer: Yep. Her dad, Lawrence, is Michael's brother. You seeing the pieces fall into place now? That's why I usually just call her kids my nieces and nephews!

Question: Is that Dean guy a preacher?

Answer: in that he attended seminary, yes, but by my own definition, Dean is a Christ led father figure leading not by pastoring, but mentoring, kids that have no other male leaders to turn to. He is my go to guy for all scripture related questions. (He will be yours too, in the best way he can)

Question: Is Blake your sister?

Answer: no. We have no blood relation at all, but get asked EVERY time we are together, and every time that I post pictures, if we are sisters. That is really literal. We get asked that at least once a week.

Question: Why do you blog so much?

Answer: It's a way to vent. It's a way to share. It's a networking opportunity. I used to be a lead team leader for media stuff at church, and I used my blog to touch on subjects that we all faced. It kinda snowballed on me....

11 comments: October 16, 2008 at 6:31:00 PM CDT  

I get some of these questions myself.

I think I knew all of this though ;)

I like this.

dean October 16, 2008 at 6:44:00 PM CDT  

wow, for a minute there i was beginning to think this was going to take an entirely different direction (what with that "cold hard truth" subtitle and all). it was pretty neat (and thanks for the free publicity, btw), but like KT i think i knew most of those... well, except for all your dad's siblings' names and locations.

i thought you'd have had at least one photography question, too. great post!

Shelley October 16, 2008 at 6:52:00 PM CDT  

yeah, I kinda skipped over the photography questions, so I will throw that in now:

I shoot primarily with a Canon 40D, always with manual settings, and 95% of the time without flash. My favorite lens is an 85 mm 1.8 (primes are my fav) and it rarely leaves my camera.

I don't have a point and shoot that I can reccomend, and I get asked that a lot.....I would get a Nikon Coolpix myself if I had some disposable cash.

Mandy October 16, 2008 at 8:12:00 PM CDT  

Loved this post. I always like to dig deeper into people's heads. :)

I liked your divorce paragraph. Clayton and I both grew up with divorced parents (at different ages, I was 5 and he was 16 when parents split.) Knowing the pain and scars and feeling of insecurity it leaves children with.. we KNEW that would never be us. I hate divorce... HATE IT.

Rosjuane October 16, 2008 at 11:48:00 PM CDT  

Great post. I like these. I'm thinking I may copy, but I'm going to have to get the questions first. LOL!! I knew most of this and much more.....

ashlee October 17, 2008 at 9:20:00 AM CDT  

great post shelley!!! love how your honest and open with us...i was thinking like Dean when i read the a good wkd

Piece of Cake October 17, 2008 at 10:00:00 AM CDT  

I copied to! One question for you. What is your favorite type of subject to photograph and why? (i.e. some people like to photograph pregnant women).

Shelley October 17, 2008 at 10:02:00 AM CDT  

Favorite subject is a tie between sports and toddlers.

Both are action filled and a challenge.

Debbi October 17, 2008 at 4:30:00 PM CDT  

Love this post, I love reading these! I never know what to ask people though.

Jeff October 21, 2008 at 7:09:00 PM CDT  

BTW, just wanted to say that Journey Church affiliated with the Southern Baptist Convention in January. We keep that on the "down-low" because we don't want that affiliation to hinder our outreach. Many unchurched adults have very negative impressions of Baptist churches. Studies show that on average, 80% of unchurched adults link Baptists with fighting... Sigh.

Great Q&A.

Drea February 7, 2009 at 7:07:00 PM CST  

you had a lot of questions! you were born 2 years after Travis. :-) he is 76. im 83.
We're 6 1/2 yrs apart. not an issue either :-)

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