Wednesday, January 2, 2008


Most people take constructive criticism about as well as they take a slap in the face. Myself included, in a lot of situations, but most of the time, it works out as a hind sights’ 20/20 kind of thing. Once you really have time to let something ‘sink in’ and you know you are wrong, what do you do? Do you stand your ground on your bad decision, just to not waiver on your original statement/action and admit fault?

...”we learn nothing from victory. The knowledge is in our losses….”

I have encountered that a lot lately, and have come to the conclusion that people are always going to shock me. It’s up to me to decide how much, based on how much trust I put in them. If I don’t trust every soul that comes into my life, I won’t have much room for disappointment.

Some people, in the position of various leadership roles, should know better than to speak certain ways and, after mistakenly speaking out of line, be bold enough to admit it was wrong. Not “kind of wrong,” but completely out of line, at times. I also take issue at the lame attempt to turn the issue around as being about whether or not any one of us is truly perfect. (That would be the “well YOU did this” mentality) I am all for forgiveness, but doesn’t someone have to be sorry in order for you to forgive them? What if the person that wronged you isn’t sorry?

I am curious as to what people's thoughts are about the idea of forgiveness. I understand that we are to sincerely forgive people who are repentant to us, but I cannot for the life of me see how we can possibly forgive someone who is unrepentant and has never apologized for the wrong they have done, even when confronted with it. Regardless of what anyone’s thoughts are on it, I can tell you this. I am the biggest grudge holder out there. Although I don’t stay mad long, I don’t forget anything. (Just ask my husband.) So my biggest New Year’s resolution is to be forgiving, in every aspect of my life. Whether my kids disappoint me, my husband hurts my feelings, my friends offend me, whatever the case may be, I am going to do my best to say, that’s ok, I am over it, and MEAN it! I have been through a lot lately that has shown me, that even though I have received no apologies, I can forgive. I can move on, and like the quote above, I believe there is knowledge in our losses, and boy am I learnin’!

I am also making resolutions to be a better parent that doesn’t yell…..boy that’s a hard one…. To lose a few pounds…… to find a new church home….. and to ‘not use ugly words’ as I heard on Martha Stewart describe them the other day! (I know there are former fellow employees of mine that remember the cuss bucket….you know who you are….& I miss you guys, especially my Mur-linda) Unfortunately, I think the ‘being forgiving’ one will be the hardest to accomplish, but I am up for the challenge. Are you?


Mommatude January 2, 2008 at 5:34:00 PM CST  

I think you and I are somewhere on the same plane with forgiveness.I like to forgive,I would like to think that I do forgive,after all,seemingly, I am over everything very quickly,but in any case,if it is a severe wronging-then I am certainly not going to forget it.Heck,sometimes I even find a way to make it my fault...LOL.But I am also that person that if someone wrongs me too severely,then I am done with them.I can be civil,but I would still be done.It's not necessarily the right way to be,but I strive to turn over every bad leaf I own...LOL.I do think forgiveness is important,especially when it comes to relationships that are very important to one's self.

I make stupid mistakes all the time,I do,but I can only keep striving to do better.I just hope that those who love me can overlook those stupid mistakes,at least some of the time. ;)

dean January 3, 2008 at 6:50:00 AM CST  

ah... forgiveness! one of the most difficult things we'll ever be called on to do. trust probably runs a close second :-) my wife has a very hard time with trusting people, and i, while not completely naive, tend to trust a lot... so it can cause a lot of friction at times.

back to forgiveness... i posted on this a while back, but i'm not here to plug my blog (this time :-) i'm not sure we can truly forgive if we aren't willing to forget (and maybe forgetting isn't an act of will, so perhaps what i should say is that IF we truly forgive, by default we will be able to forget). bottom line is that i don't think you can achieve one without the other. it's how God forgives (casts our sins as far as the east is from the west, never to be brought back up again). and while we aren't God and never will be, we are to strive for that. DISCLAIMER: i by no means have this down pat, and it's easier said than done, but it's what i understand to be the biblical standard of forgiveness.

as far as only being able to forgive someone if they are truly sorry for what they did, i think a look at what Jesus said as he was being nailed to the cross ("Father forgive them for they know not what they do") would tell us that even though it was highly unlikely that neither the roman soldiers nor the jewish leaders that called for Him to be put to death were sorry for what they did, Jesus still asked forgiveness for them.

additionally, He died for us for the forgiveness of our sins long before we were born, much less had the opportunity to BE sorry (of course if we never avail ourselves of His forgiveness it doesnt help us a bit). in fact, i would venture to say that all of us were included in the "Father forgive them..." statement, since if you really think about it, it was ultimately OUR SINS that put Jesus up on the cross.

there's a saying that is very profound to me: "resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die." forgiveness is more for our sake than it is for the sake of the person who wronged us.

again, not trying to be preachy here, because this is a daily struggle for me, but it's what i understand our responsibilities to be if we are to be obedient to the call to forgive.

and if anyone believes i DID sound preachy or condescending, i hope you'll forgive me :-)

Lou Arnold January 3, 2008 at 7:16:00 AM CST  

That is an awesome resolution. How often we move along and forget (or say we forget) but we never really forget. Good luck. We miss you guys.

Debbi January 3, 2008 at 2:11:00 PM CST  

Someone told me once that we are while we there is a commandment to forgive, there is no timeline on how fast we should do so - I think as long as we are striving towards forgiveness - especially with those people who don't ask for forginvenss, then we are doing our best. I have to work on this all the time, I hold grudges and I think this is an awesome resolution!

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