Forgiveness.

Some people spend their whole life struggling with alcohol or drugs or other addictions like compulsive shopping or gambling. I have had close friends deal with such things, and in all honesty, it made me completely frustrated to not know what to do.

Sometimes, I think I’m addicted to guilt. It’s such a struggle for me to let myself off the hook when I can't help someone I care about. This vice of mine has affected many areas of my life and it’s something that God and I have been working on very intensely lately. You see, although I LOVE to talk, and am a huge extrovert, I don't let many people close enough to 'really' call them good friends. I don't trust people easily at all. So, once I DO care in that way for someone, I want nothing but the best for them.

1 John 1:9 says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness.”

Do I believe that? Sure I do. Do I live like I believe it? I try pretty hard. I definitely have the “confession” part down. It’s the ”He is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins” that I have a problem with accepting at times.

Sometimes, I assume that my sins are something God can’t forgive, but, if He can forgive me, why can’t I forgive myself? After a lifetime of struggle, I think I’ve finally figured it out. And the answer is really simple. Satan. Not being a forgiving person is a weakness for me, whether is be about forgiving myself, or others. That’s a fact. And if Satan can keep me agonizing over all the mistakes I’ve made I will be EXTREMELY busy for a really long time. So preoccupied in fact, that I’ll never get the things done that God has for me to do. Pretty slick plan huh.

Even though I have a pretty good handle on the problem now, I still struggle with it because satan is tricky. Like any good hunter, he just keeps changing the bait. I’m not always quick to recognize his schemes but I’m learning. I’m learning a lot, in hard ways, at times. Most importantly, I’m learning a lot about God. I’m learning about His faithfulness and His forgiveness. I’m learning about His purpose for my life, and in my family's life. Incidentally, His purpose has nothing to do with mentally destroying myself for my sins. God took care of that when He sent Jesus. That’s enough. It's finished. I don’t have to play that game any more.
And so, today I will accept that I can't change anyone but myself, and if someone presents me with an apology, I will do what I can to forgive. If I screw up, I will forgive myself and let it go. A few ”do betters” and a lot of “do overs” are in my future.

I will strive to be more like God in all areas of my life; but especially in the area of forgiveness. I will allow myself to use God’s eraser and not let myself believe that His grace is NOT sufficient for me. Micah 7:19 says, ” You will again have compassion on us; you will tread our sins underfoot and hurl all our iniquities into the depths of the sea.”

And that is the perfect “Do over”.

I am enjoying reading through certain areas in my bible lately... even though I have no idea what makes me open it to "that" spot, I think I am "getting" exactly what I should. I can't wait till our Women of Faith Conference this weekend. I intend to be a big ol' sponge and come back and wring myself out all over my friends, haha! If you are reading this and thinking, yeah she NEEDS to go, you are correct. I do. I hope I find many blessings there.