Wednesday, January 9, 2008

divorce. when is it ok?

Matt.5:31 It hath been said, Whosoever shall put away his wife, let him give her a writing of divorcement:32. but I say unto you, That whosoever shall put away his wife, saving for the cause of fornication, causeth her to commit adultery: and whosoever shall marry her that is divorced committeth adultery.1Cor.7:10 And unto the married, I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband.11. But and if she depart, LET HER REMAIN UNMARRIED, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.Mark.10:11 And He saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her.12. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and marrieth another, she committeth adultery.Mark.10:9 What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

These seem pretty easy to “get.” Anyone who divorces and remarries committeth adultery by doing so, for Jesus doesn’t ‘authorize’ the divorcing of married couples. Once you are married, it’s till death do you part, right? This is how Jesus sees it, and describes it in the bible. So what about me? My husband has been married before me…. This kind of freaks me out. Not the fact that he has been married before, but the repercussions that may await us both. Are there ways around this? I know I have been told there are only a couple of legit ways to divorce and it be ‘okay’ by the bible. Adultery, and something else, but I can’t remember what, so I went to digging…. Bad idea maybe… it’s got me thinking anyway!

1Cor.7:12 But to the rest, speak I, not the Lord: if any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away.13. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.

Once again, there is no ‘it’s ok to get divorced reasons’ there or to be remarried in any of this. Paul simply states that if the unbeliever wants to go, you may let them go. The one who is left is still divorced, and whosoever shall marry her (or him) that is divorced commits adultery. Paul takes this fact; that marriage is binding as long as both partners shall live so much for granted, that he uses it as an illustration of the permanence of the Law over a man until that man has realized and embraced the full significance of the death and resurrection of Christ.

Rom.7:1 Know ye not, brethren, (for I speak to them that know the law), how that the law hath dominion over a man as long as he liveth?2. For the woman that hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.3. So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.4. Wherefore my brethren, ye also are become dead to the law by the body of Christ; that ye should be married to another, even to Him who is raised from the dead, that ye should bring forth fruit unto God.1Cor.7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; but only in the Lord.

Okay, I know that this is going to be a tough subject. Dean, feel free to intervene any time. I am not the best at biblical research. I usually end up on a wild goose chase, having a hard time focusing on the issue at hand. Marriage and Divorce... This is something I have never really dug real deep into the scriptures about until tonight. I was raised in a Christian home, so I always knew in my heart that God does not take marriage lightly, and neither do my parents!! I don’t have those parents that would let me move home and leave my husband just because he was getting on my nerves. I knew it was a covenant in His sight, a promise I made in the church I was raised and baptized in. I knew that when you marry someone you are making a vow, and that it is supposed to be forever. These beliefs are part what kept me from walking out on my marriage years ago when the going got tough over some issues I won’t go into. Of course "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence", isn’t it? No way! My husband and I "made it" through the rough spot because we turned to God, and we honestly left the past in the past and rebuilt it. We let Him fix our marriage. He took what was a "mess" and has made it into something good again. Aside from "knowing" all of these things about the sacredness of marriage and its importance to God, I wanted to know what does the Bible really say, because I was talking to Michael the other day about when we will tell our kids he was married before. We live in a small town, and I won’t hide it from them. I am afraid they will find out elsewhere, and I don’t want that. I don’t want to know what does the preacher say or what does the "church" say, but what does God say about it? Is it “legit” to be divorced if you spouse commits adultery various times? The above scriptures say a lot. They say a lot more than what is being taught, or at least more than I was ever taught. After reading these scriptures one should ask, "Why are churches and pastors marrying people who have been previously divorced if it is really not ok?"

It plainly says, "Mark.10:11 And He saith unto them, Whosoever shall put away his wife, and marry another, committeth adultery against her. 12. And if a woman shall put away her husband, and marrieth another, she committeth adultery."

I didn't make all that up. That is what the bible says. If you are divorced and the person you divorced is still alive, to remarry is to commit adultery, right? WHAT? No way. Tell me I misread that!!

1Cor.7:39 The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; but only in the Lord.How have we gotten lost about getting into, or out of, a marriage? By not agreeing with and TEACHING the same things the Bible says about the conduct of marriage and sexual sin; have we undermined the permanence of marriage? Do we make excuses for divorce that The Bible does not give? Do we make up reasons to justify both divorce and remarriage in contradiction to Jesus said?I sure do hope someone breaks this down for me. I am so confused!!! (As I usually am when I get off on these religious digging hunts on line!!)
and no, I don't want a divorce, haha!!


Mommatude January 9, 2008 at 8:18:00 PM CST  

You just about summed up everything I know about it-Someone many many years ago simplified it for me a bit more...."Divorce i okay in the instances of Beating or Cheating,but still no remarriage."

Mommatude January 9, 2008 at 8:20:00 PM CST  

gotta love typos-Divorce is okay in the instances of Beating or Cheating-but you still cant remarry.

I believe it is a sin like most any other-Ask for forgiveness...

Rosjuane January 9, 2008 at 8:23:00 PM CST  

Okay so no you don't want a divorce, but what has Michael done now???? LOL just joking!!

Okay so maybe this is me making excuses and how the whole marrige thing has become such a non-covented thing, but I understood it like you did, and my response would be that it's okay.

Michael I believe gave it all he could, and she did not. So divorce was inevitable. Then he found another love and in turn has taken and made two beutiful children and is teaching them about god. Possibly leading them to great things with God. So doesn't the good out weight the sin???
I mean I think he will be judged for it, but I was also raised to beleive that if you asked forgiveness then you were forgiven. Isn't that what Jesus gave his life for? So that when we sin then we are forgiven if we ask with a whole heart doing all we can to make it better?
I mean is he not doing just that. Devoting his life to making up for her mistakes?
Man this is alot of reading between the lines.
Not to dog the bible or God, but sometimes we are being set up to fail. We are born sinners? Is that just easier b/c no matter what you do that is what you are always going to be. The only loophole to it all is the gift that Jesus gave us by dying for our sins so that we may be forgiven.
Okay so I'm rambeling, but I'm trying to test my skills on the releigous post....

Sarah January 9, 2008 at 9:35:00 PM CST  

I don't really have an answer for you but just be glad you aren't Catholic!

dean January 10, 2008 at 6:51:00 AM CST  
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dean January 10, 2008 at 7:11:00 AM CST  

well, shelley, you certainly hit a homerun with this one, and you also hit very close to home... i'm divorced and remarried. i met my first wife while on the rebound from a broken engagement, and we married less than a year after we met. we barely knew each other, and out of 9 years of marriage, i'd say the last 8 1/2 were pure misery, and we both contributed to that. we finally mutually agreed to separate, and while we were separated, a friend's family was instrumental in getting me back into church, where i was eventually saved. after i accepted Christ, i came to realize that divorce was wrong, and (rather reluctantly) asked my wife to get back together and work things out. she refused and went through with the divorce. 3 years later i remarried, knowing in the back of my mind that there were biblical prohibitions, but choosing to leave them there... in the back of my mind.

i have had great struggles with the passages you've wrestled with, and wondered exactly where this leaves my wife and i... actually my first wife had already been divorced when i married her, so i was already on biblically shaky ground. let me say the divorce would be considered biblically "acceptable" (see matt 5:32), however, the trouble arises with the fact that i remarried.

this is what i've come to understand... divorce, remarriage after divorce, adultery, fornication, murder, lying, stealing, coveting, taking the Lord's name in vain. you get the picture... ALL of these are sins. as rosjuane said, Jesus died to forgive all these sins. and as KT said, you need to ask forgiveness. of course you need to go a step further and repent, (turn in the complete opposite direction from that sin). lotsa people ask forgiveness but do not repent, they just dive right back into the same sin.

so in the case of divorce and remarriage, i believe that if you are saved, have asked forgiveness and repented, that it is not possible to live in a continuous state of unforgiveness. in other words, if you've divorced and remarried, and recognized that this goes against scripture and have asked forgiveness, that sin is's been covered by the blood of Christ shed on the cross. therefore, continuing on in that second marriage would not be considered a continuing state of adultery (the way i understand forgiveness and grace). if that (God's forgiveness) doesn't cover it, then the only other possible remedy is to divorce your current spouse... and what would THAT accomplish?

please do not misunderstand me... i'm not trying to justify what i did, or downplay the seriousness of my sin. the apostle paul was adamant that just because we’ve been forgiven, doesn’t mean that we have a license to sin. in Romans 6:14-18 paul says this: 14For sin shall not be your master, because you are not under law, but under grace. 15What then? Shall we sin because we are not under law but under grace? By no means! 16Don't you know that when you offer yourselves to someone to obey him as slaves, you are slaves to the one whom you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you wholeheartedly obeyed the form of teaching to which you were entrusted. 18You have been set free from sin and have become slaves to righteousness. (emphases mine)

while i love my wife dearly, i am not the least bit proud of the fact that i had that sin in my life. from the time i ever started thinking about marriage and having a family, i always intended that i would marry someone and be married to them until death. the bottom line is that we have ripped all meaning out of marriage in this day and age. divorce is rampant and way too easy to obtain. ONE divorce is one too many. but one act of hate, one instance of lying, one occurrence of breaking the sabbath, one staggeringly drunken night on the town... these are ALL one sin too many. but God in his omniscience knew before the foundation of the world that we were going to commit these sins, and, save for blasphemy of the Holy Spirit, which is the ONLY unforgivable sin, through the death, burial and resurrection of Jesus Christ, atonement was made for every single one of them.

Blog January 10, 2008 at 9:30:00 AM CST  

oh no! you always intrigue me with your bible spelunking escapades, and now you have struck a nerve! i hope i am not eternally damned for divorcing my ex! this is something i hope more comment on that know more than i! i would love to hear more scriptural interps on it, and love your honesty in this forum. it's always a breath of brutally honesty rushed into one's lungs when they visit your page. keep it up!

Shelley January 10, 2008 at 9:33:00 AM CST  

Does that make me a spelunker?

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