Spending some time with Phil

How do you deal with conflict? Different people handle it all sorts of different ways. Some seek to just avoid it by either running from it or by totally ignoring it.

Some go to the opposite extreme and almost seem to welcome it if not instigate it themselves because they just can’t be happy without chaos.

Then there are those who will not back down from their core issues of belief, yet will also seek to find a common ground in which some compromise can be made and the issues at hand be resolved.

Someone told me yesterday to check out Phillipians, where you can learn how to deal with interpersonal conflict with fellow believers from how Paul's correction of two women in that church that were hostile to each other really worked.

Paul followed his command to "stand firm in the Lord" with specific ways in which we are to ‘stand firm.’ We are supposed to work through problems and live in harmony (2,3). We are to maintain a joyful spirit through proper prayer (4-7). We are to keep their minds focused on what is Godly (8,9), and we are to learn to be content in their circumstances by trusting in the Lord (10-19).

Even though Christians share common beliefs and values, its not always easy to live in harmony because there is so much both within us all that seeks to disrupt our fellowship and cause different forms of discord. There is our own selfishness. Theres selfishness of others. There is the pressure from the world to conform us to its standards instead of to God's. And there is the attack by our adversary, the devil, of course, that seeks to get us to believe lies about God and His desires for us, and about other people. That is why Paul prefaces his urging of these to women by commanding everyone to "stand firm in the Lord." Hold your position and do not let sin and bad judgement push you back into unrighteousness which is at the heart of every conflict. Spending time with Phil last night was EYE OPENING!

Its more important to accept that this is standing firm "in the Lord" and not in your OWN strength and abilities. You must be cultivating your walk (or your JOURNEY) with the Lord so that you are becoming more like Him and more sensitive to the leading of the Holy Spirit in your life. (thank you Brandy Files, for always repeating things of this nature to me) You cannot resist temptation on your own, but must rely on God's strength to provide the way of escape and then take it that you may be able to bear it. You are not going to be able to stand against the devil unless you are first submitting to God. You are not more powerful or wiser than the devil, but God in you is and as you follow His commands, then you can resist the devil and he will leave you alone, at least for a little while. You will not be able to live in a chaos free atmosphere with other Christians if you are not wearing the full “armor” of God. (Are you picturing yourself in a gladiator suit?)

Paul addressed the issue of unity earlier in Philippians 1:27 in his call for them to "conduct yourselves in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ; so that whether I come and see you or remain absent, I may hear of you that you are standing firm in one spirit, with one mind striving together for the faith of the gospel." Paul talked more on this same theme in 2:2. Why not just address the issue in this general manner, or deal with just some of it, a little at a time like Paul did in 2:14 when commanded them to "do all things without grumbling or disputing"? Why specifically bring up the conflict between these two women?
The reason is simply that the manner in which those in the church get along with one another is a reflection of Christ, and their church body itself to the entire town, and overall, the world.
Jesus was direct in telling the disciples that they were to love one another as He loved them, and that it would be this love that would demonstrate to others that they were indeed His disciples. The conflict between these two women was a serious threat to that church's testimony. The Philippian church was sound in doctrine, but that would do them little good if bickering disrupted them from serving Christ, or even worse, cause them to falter as had occurred in the Corinthian church. This division can destroy the church. These two women were important workers in their church and their conflict threatened to spill over into the rest of the church.

Like I tell Jenny, negativity is CONTAGIOUS!

So why were these women in conflict? It could have been for any of a number of reasons. Major conflicts usually rise up and grow from very minor disagreements. It’s hard to stop something once it has snowballed out of control.

Some have referred to these women as "odious" and "soon touchy" insinuating that they may have just had a personality conflict. One was abrasive and the other overly sensitive. Many of us have been involved in these types of general personality clashes because the people around us have different personalities than we do. (This was confirmed BIG time during our spiritual gift evaluation) Some get upset that you are not more visibly concerned about things, and you get irritated that they won't slow down enough to ‘smell the roses’ and enjoy the blessings God has given us. (Michael tells Jordan all the time, COUNT YOUR OWN BLESSINGS! Not other peoples!!)

Even a small disagreement can become a major ordeal if not dealt with correctly, and FAST! We need to appreciate and learn from those with different personalities. Type "A" people need to learn to relax, and type "Z" people need to get up and move. (Yep, I can most certainly relate better to the A people.)
Your personality will make some things easier than for someone with a different personality, but for the same reason, they will have an easy time with things that cause you to struggle.
Again, the bottom line of this is that we need each other and our differences in personality can be used by the Lord to help each of us grow to be more like Him. We need to learn to appreciate our differences and make our personalities mesh like two gears working together rather than clash like two cars colliding in front of Walmart before we got that stinkin’ light.

There are lots of issues in which we must enter into conflict with those that compromise God's word or bring shame to His name. Churches have split over issues of doctrine from the beginning of time. 2 Cor 6:14-18 makes it clear that we must come out from the midst of and be separate from unbelievers, apostates and the lawless. However, most conflicts in churches are not over such issues. They are over minor issues of personal preferences including trivial issues such as what color the new carpet will be. These type things aren’t worth losing friends and fellow believers.

How can these things be in the church? Because it is too easy to succumb to the pressures of the world to conform us to its image instead of the image of Christ. When that happens, what is important to us reflects worldly concerns rather than godly ones. Our personal preferences become more important than our relationships with other people. How we get things so messed up on the priority list is confusing to me, but regardless, it happens all the time.

In our part of the world, in the bible belt, musical preferences are a huge source of conflict in churches, and I am talking about what music is played in the church, not just what music is listened to by church folks. I am not sure if there is any factual basis to any of that, either. I am not sure it is outlined anywhere in the bible what type music is “right.” Just like I don’t know where it says anywhere in the bible that we should not wear jeans to worship. But do we sometimes get ridiculed for it? Sure. How do you respond if someone addresses that?
Well, in resolving the conflict between the two women in the story in Phil, Paul appealed directly to each of them to "live in harmony in the Lord." The verb "I urge" is repeated twice, once to each woman. The idea of "live in harmony" can be a big pill to swallow.

The first action in resolving conflict is to call the parties in contention to seek the the Lord in the matter and submit to that( once again, thank you Brandy Files, she has told me that, too!). If we actively did that all the time we would avoid conflict. If we will do it as soon as a conflict starts, we will quickly resolve things. IF we aren’t hard headed, which is a weakness I, and many others, possess.

The second action to take in resolving conflict is to send help. That is what Paul does in verse 3. He asks someone identified as "true comrade" or "companion" or more literally, "yoke-fellow" to help them. (that is why I had to use my message bible a lot for this) The word here is suzugos, which may be the man's actual name? Don’t know for sure on that one. He is a true yoke-fellow. Since Paul has worked with him before, he trusts that he would be able to help these women work through their differences.

There are times when all of us need a neutral party, or mediator of sorts, to help us work through conflicts we develop with others. In part this is because our own emotions get worked up, or we just get stubborn and we lose sight of the bigger picture, because we of course think WE are right and THEY are not. We make a mountain out of a mole hill and respond to a fellow Christian like they were an enemy. The enemy is Satan, not other Christians even if they have done something you do not like or that has hurt you. Having someone else there that is godly can help those in conflict sort through the issues and see them again in a proper Biblical perspective. (Thank you Brandi Williams)

As believers, we need to be pro-active in the lives of each other. When Jesus said in Matthew 5:9), "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they shall be called the sons of God," he was talking about those that are willing to get into the middle of a conflict in order to stop it and get it resolved. Certainly there can be a lot of risk in doing this because one or both parties could turn on you. That is why it takes a mature believer to do such counseling or they may get sucked in and become a party to the conflict themselves. (Thank you Misty)
If you are in a conflict, be humble and seek to work it out. Jesus even tells us in Matthew 5:23-24) regarding our worship of God that we need to reconcile with our brothers before we can properly worship. We are to strive to be at peace with all men as far as it depends on us (Romans 12:18). Jesus told us to love our enemies (Matthew 6:44), so no matter how badly they have treated us, we are still to try to resolve it. If we cannot work it out ourselves, then we get help from someone who is godly and not involved in the conflict. When we see others in conflict, we seek to help, or get help, instead of ignoring it. The duty of serving God is not being met if you are dealing with unresolved conflict. We need to make sure that we are part of the solution instead of the problem, and in that way bring the right kind of attitudes to the table. What are YOU bringing to the table?