Sometimes, it's all you can do.

Okay, let me preface this with the statement that I'm loving doing these ‘devotionals,’ or should I say “thought provoking” blog posts. I'm really enjoying seeing this whole thing from the side of learning it as best I can, and trying to put it together. I'm especially liking the challenge of trying to tie the scriptures not only to their inherent meaning, but also to the issue at hand.It's so hard to write something substantial, without being so objective as to lose some of your audience (something I'm most certainly doing, although I am trying to avoid it...)

I know I could do better at this if I used more personal examples, of my own failures and life lessons, and I will always continue to do that, at least sometimes. But sometimes, the questions I have regarding religion are so random, they don’t even effect me in much of a literal way at all. So, pray for me as I continue to write these. Not just that they would be completed, as I could easily throw out something, even something of substance... but that God would use these meager offerings within this blog so that they could grow closer to God and be challenged in their own walks of faith through God's word.

In other words, please pray that God would speak through me, despite me. :)

So today, here’s my issue I have been reading about. It’s partially inspired by an email from Ryan (reference: his last post) It isn’t the same thing, but it’s a part of my walk with God, so here goes nothin’ Ryan!
Early in our marriage, prayer with my husband, Mike, made me uncomfortable. I'd find every excuse to avoid it. Then we had a premature baby.
What else CAN you do besides pray?
And pray we DID.
Hard.
Hourly, it seemed.
And we were blessed!
But after we got her home, and she was ok, it was like we forgot to continue to thank God for this little 3 lb blessing.
So, not necessarily literally, but God gave her excessive bleeding in her brain. Guess who hit their knees AGAIN.
Guess who, once again, delivered. Yep. My daughter has zero brain damage. The “experts” guaranteed us that she’d be mentally and physically handicapped.

So you are thinking, ok loser, did you stop praying AGAIN?? Even after all that?

Well….. yes. Sorta. I mean we did some, but not RIGHT.

Part of my problem was the way Michael prayed. His prayers seemed grandiose and overdone to me. It sounded as though he were trying to impress God, not have a simple conversation with him.
I felt as if I were in the middle of a room that I didn’t belong in. It made me feel awkward and disconnected from Michael, rather than joined to him through the intimacy of prayer. While Mike's prayers were lofty and packed with "oh fathers" and "Lord Jesus’," mine tended to be simple, filled with relational and conversational thoughts and words. Almost like I was talking to God on the phone….

I not only felt insecure that I didn't pray like him, but also guilty that I didn't like to pray with him.
So then preemie #2 is here. Same story, different kid. The praying (outloud, together) fades out.
Again.

Fast forward a whopping 5.5 years.

Within ONE Sunday at Journey, we find ourselves not only praying together, but as a family of four. (Let me insert here, this is NOT a Journey commercial, it is just my story) Then it became a typical thing. An EASY typical thing.

Finally, I began to feel spiritual connection with Mike, an intimacy that flourished as our prayer life grew stronger. We'd been going through a rough patch in our marriage because of financial difficulties. Opening up to each other during those shared prayers built trust and a deeper sense of security while reducing feelings of resentment.
I've learned to let go of my stubbornness and desire to control my husband's prayers. And as Michael’s prayers have become more conversational, I can more clearly understand what's going on in his heart. And he never made guilt-inducing comments about the "simplicity" of my words, so I don’t know why I had that complex anyway!
We're dedicated to deepening our spiritual intimacy…..something God intended for marriage from the beginning. And time after time, we've seen God answer our prayers. This Sunday, we prayed at the altar with Jeff for a close friend of mine. It was an emotionally overwhelming moment, and if you’ve never felt something lift off your shoulders like that, try hitting your knees.
Sometimes, it’s all you can do.
And if I can do it, anyone can.
If I'd known praying with my husband could be this wonderful, I would have agreed to pursue it much sooner, haha!
So there’s one example, Ryan, of a ‘faith story’ of mine, and I hope others share them too.